Published On: Tue, Jan 1st, 2019

Controlling anger for a child


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We in this article will talk about how anger can be very dangerous for a child. There can be many issues that are associated with a child who is exposed to violence. There are many children who are also very violent in nature and take to fights easily. Some children also have a tendency to fight and pick up fights. Often we hear of how children fight and hit others.

A recent real world example

For example few days back a five year old boy got angry on his younger brother because he was disturbing him while trying to solve a puzzle. The elder child got so violent that he hit the younger child so hard and he fell on the floor. The younger child hit his head and his head was bleeding. There are many instances like this.

Other instances

The violent behavior of the children does not end at this. As the kid gets older the violence only increases and takes a different proportion all together. There are many instances where teenagers will shout at parents and even try to get violent. Teenagers do not like the parents to tell them what to do and what not to. They like to live life the way they want and on their terms. As the kids grow the anger and the way they express the anger only keeps increasing. It is important that you understand why the child is behaving in a certain way and how you can stop the child from doing so. Many parents have this concern that the children are violent and they are not obedient.

It is difficult for some parents to even understand why the child is behaving in a certain way. The most important thing to understand is why a child gets angry at the first place?

  1. When a child is exposed to stress and they cannot handle it they get angry.
  2. If the child is regukarky exposed to physical and sexual violence.
  3. We often do not listen to children thinking its not important. When a child is not heard they are emotionally abused. This can be a major concern when they grow up.
  4. When a child see that people around them keep loosing their temper the child naturally learns to get angry.
  5. In many cases today the children feel that they are neglected and they feel lonely. The child feels jealous and some times lacks self confidence also. These can be a reason for getting angry.
  6. When a child is exposed to inconsistent rules they get confused and get angry. For example if the parents are very different by nature and set different rules for the child. The kids get confused and angry.
  7. Exposure to internet is also a major concern. If a child is exposed to violence on the internet they naturally become more violent and get angry easily.

It is natural for everyone of us to get angry. We all have our own limits of getting angry. Even a child can get angry. However, what is important is to understand how angry the child is getting. If the child is sowing too much anger it is a matter of concern and steps must be taken to control the behavior of the child:

  1. When the child gets angry he is not able to control himself and does actions that are like anger outbursts.
  2. The child gets angry easily and can remain angry for more than 30 minutes.
  3. The child has the tendency to harm himself when he or she gets angry and this happens quite often.
  4. The child is aggressive with other children as well as adults.
  5. The child is stubborn and often refuse to listen to what he is being told.
  6. The child uses bad language when he or she gets angry.
  7. Looses self control and breaks things that he gets around him.
  8. They want to give back to the others for what they have done to them.
  9. They like to express hatred towards others.
  10. They blame others for their own problems.
  11. They try to change the rule of the game if they feel that they are loosing.

The above points hold good for kids who express their anger openly. However, there are some who do not express anger aggressively but in a passive manner. The children who express anger in a passive manner seem more difficult to manage at times. The experts say that passive anger is more dangerous.

  1. They will deliberately delay. For example they will do late for everything. They will come for breakfast late.
  2. They provoke others with the action that they do.
  3. They will mot follow the orders that are given to them purposefully.
  4. They will allow the problems to escalate to a different level.
  5. They show insensitivity to others.
  6. They do not respond when addressed.

These are all points to say how the children show anger in a passive way. What are the side effects of the children who get angry easily and want to remain angry. You must try to manage the anger of the child. If the anger remains unmanaged the results can be very bad and they are:

  1. Bad marks and other issues in school.
  2. The child will have problems eating and sleeping.
  3. The child will get headaches.
  4. The child will get into depression.
  5. The child will try to harm himself.
  6. The behaviour of the child becomes risky and dangerous.
  7. The child can also get addicted to many things.

These are just some of the points. There can be many more such problems as the child grows up and the complications only increase. We will now discuss what a parent can do in order to ensure that the child remains calm and learns to be happy. There are many points that as a parent you can do in order to see that the anger of the child is managed.

The parent should be calm and prove to the child that getting angry is not a normal thing. The parent must be able to control his or her anger. Even if what the child is doing is absolutely wrong as a parent you must remain calm. Explain to the child that you are disappointed by the way the child is behaving. Tell that getting angry will not help the situation at all. Always ensure you are calm when the child is angry.

  1. Distraction is a very good way to control the anger of the child. Tell the child about something that interests the child and ensure that for the moment the child forgets about why he or she was so upset. Tell them to drink water or eat something that is their favorite and distract the mind. These distractions can calm the child down.
  2. We as adults try to learn and practice anger control techniques. However, most of us have the feeling that a small child may not be able to learn how to control anger by using techniques. Well you can even teach a child to control anger. If you start to teach these techniques early in life the child will master these skills as they grow up and reach adulthood. Teach them to breathe in and out. Teach them to drink water and also squeeze balls can be a good way to reduce anger.
  3. Teaching empathy to a child. As a child you must know the consequences of hitting another person. If you hit someone hard he or she may fall down and get hurt badly. If you teach empathy to a child they will become more caring and sensitive to others. This is a very good way to help children reduce anger.
  4. We recommend that every day you spend at least some time during the day to talk to the child. Let the child communicate with you and tell you what is bothering the child. No matter how old the child is talking is a very good way to bond with the child and also to understand what exactly the child is going through. Children are very emotional and they are in a very delicate situation you have to speak to them to understand how you can help them. The child should never feel neglected and not cared for. No matter how busy you are talking to the child every day for a while must be a priority. Involved parents are always able to manage the anger of the children better and ensure that they become good and strong individuals.
  5. If the child is with the nanny the whole day as the parents are working it has been noticed that they tend to become more angry and violent. The nanny’s must be told that they need to take care of the children well. They should not be too rude and strict. They must follow the same rules that the parents are following with the kid. It has been seen that sometimes the caregivers will give up and listen to the child even if the demands are not right. The rule must be clear that no tantrums will be taken no matter what.

What is common is that children learn from the parents. If the parents show that they are getting very angry and more than often then the children will learn the same. As parents it is important that you control your anger and do not show that you are wild in front of the child. Children who see violent parents tend to become violent and disturbed. If a child is showing too much anger it is sure that something wrong is happening to the child and the situation must be looked into.

You must consult professionals to ensure that they can find out why the child is showing such a disturbed behavior and how you can control the child before it gets too late. Nobody wants a child to hurt himself or anyone around him and face serious circumstances. Some children just do not know how to control the anger. Anger can be bad not only for the child’s present also for the future. Anger can get the child into various types of personal and professional problems. As parents you must try your best to ensure that the child does not get angry too often. If you feel that as a parent you are not able to control the anger of the child please take professional help before it gets too late.

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